Tango, coffee, sex



4am in the morning I leave milonga.
- Would you like a coffee?
"At 4 o'clock in the morning?" You are crazy .
- It will be for a next time then. Good night.

A last abrazo in the dawn and we separated.
It was not until much later that I understood.






If there is indeed a tango code that we do not talk about at all in Europe it is that of the cafecito.
 The Cafecito could be translated into "small coffee".

For those ignorant the cafecito is an elegant way out of milonga to propose to a person having troubled you in the tango to continue the night together in the intimacy.

The cafecito as well as the cabeceo is a tool usable by all. Thus everybody can come out of milonga propose or refuse to go further in the discovery of another one having touched us in the dance.

Within the milonga it would be to share a coffee at the bar, out of milonga it goes without saying that accepting a cafecito will not end at the local coffee shop. To refuse, on the other hand, is simply to refuse a coffee ... It does not matter ... Tonight no, maybe next time ... who knows. At least things are said, "you touched me in the abrazo."

The Tango is a social dance, where there are strong encounters in the dance that clearly make you want to meet the other beyond the milonga.

Sometimes it's shared, sometimes not.

Finally the mechanism of cafecito proposes a tool to remove the uncertainty around this intense sharing, and makes sure that the lifting of the uncertainty happens outside milonga face to face, de facto preserving the bal ...

One must not delude oneself, it is partly the possibility of a meeting going beyond the dance that motivates mainly in the tango. And it is surely in part for this reason that the milongas are divided into sexed genres ...



In the absence of cafecito this one is replaced by gestures more or less displaced to signify to the other his attraction. It works pretty well, in a context where everyone shares the same sexuality, and accepts the asymmetrical relationships associated with "his role".

 It seems to me absolutely necessary to make a milonga queer, to have a safe dance space where everyone can indulge in abrazo regardless of his sexuality. And for this, sensitizing people to the cafecito would allow people wanting to share a little more than dance can do it, but out of milonga space.


It must be admitted that to be offered, once, at the end of the evening, a coffee even from a person not sharing the same sexuality or attraction, is much less disturbing than 37 hands in the ass during the evening !!